A Thousand Roads Home Read online

  10

  RUTH

  Ruth woke up feeling disorientated. She heard muffled sounds coming from either side of their room. For a moment, she forgot where she was. She blinked her eyes twice to get used to the darkness and make out her surroundings.

  She was in The Silver Sands Lodge.

  ‘DJ?’ she called out to the darkness. Silence.

  Once her mind had again caught up to her new normal, Ruth reached over to locate the light switch. Bright lights filled the room, eliminating the darkness. She looked at her watch. It was nearly 4 p.m. She had been asleep for over three hours. She could not remember the last time she had slept during the day. She was not a good sleeper at the best of times but she supposed this was new territory.

  While she slept, DJ had made efforts to make their room look more like home. He had placed her favourite soft green chenille throw over her. At the end of the bed was her green velvet cushion. DJ had also placed his Liverpool FC throw and cushion on the bed beside hers. Oh, DJ. She was wrong earlier. This room could be their home. Because home was wherever DJ was.

  She needed to see him, to tell him that. She picked up her phone, knowing he would have sent her a text message, letting her know where he was.

  Going out to explore. Back soon, DJ.

  Where are you?

  Her stomach reminded her that she had not eaten since breakfast. It appeared she had lost her appetite around the same time she lost her home. Her jeans felt looser this morning when she slipped them on. She could not afford to get ill. She had to be strong in mind and in body if she was going to get them both through this.

  Back in five, DJ pinged back to her. She would have to talk to him about taking off like that. He was streetwise, but he did not know this part of Dublin.

  He would be hungry, too. She scanned through the list of rules on the laminate sheet until she got to the one regarding the kitchen.

  There is a small kitchen at the end of the second floor, beside the fire exit, available for use for all residents, who are part of the emergency housing scheme. The kitchen consists of a small fridge, a cooker, oven, toaster and microwave. All cups, plates and utencils must be washed up after use and kitchen MUST be cleaned after use.

  Please note that no microwaves, toasters or hobs are allowed in your hotel room or bathroom.

  Ruth walked over to her handbag and took out a Sharpie, then circled the word ‘Utensils’. If you are going to the trouble of laminating rules, at least make sure they are correctly spelled! And who on earth would put an electrical item in a bathroom? Sometimes the stupidity of people amazed Ruth. She hoped the kitchen was clean. Not having her own kitchen was going to cause her a lot of problems and was perhaps the hardest challenge she would have to face.

  While she waited for DJ to return she scanned the other rules once again.

  No running in the hallway.

  No guests in your room.

  A communal room is available on the ground floor. Guests ask reception for the key.

  No hanging laundry on the balcony.

  No smoking in the room.

  No hanging of pictures on the walls.

  Parents must look after their own children. No babysitting of other guests’ children allowed in hotel.

  A thump in the corridor outside made her jump. She got off the bed and walked to the door, peeping out the small glass hole.

  ‘Hey, Jason, hey, Barry,’ DJ said, high-fiving the two boys from earlier, who were still running up and down the hall.

  Ruth marvelled at how quickly he had made friends in the space of a few hours.

  ‘Where have you been?’ Ruth asked, when he walked into their hotel room.

  ‘Nowhere,’ he answered, flopping down onto his bed.

  ‘Well, that’s impossible. You must have been somewhere,’ Ruth said.

  ‘Exploring,’ he mumbled. ‘You OK again?’

  ‘Yes. Thank you.’ Ruth looked at her son and tried to gauge how he was doing. She was not good at reading people’s emotions. ‘Are you OK?’

  He shrugged.

  ‘Does that mean you are OK?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘I’m OK. But hungry. Can I watch TV?’

  ‘I will go to the shop, buy some groceries and make us something to eat,’ Ruth said.

  ‘What are we eating, and please don’t say mashed potatoes?’ DJ said.

  ‘Depends what choice there is in the shop down the road. But noted on the potatoes.’

  DJ turned back to the football match that had just started. As Ruth reached the door, he called out, ‘Just remember to say hello if anyone speaks to you. And take the sunglasses off when you are inside. You’re not one of the Kardashians.’

  ‘I could think of nothing worse. No potatoes. Speak. Sunglasses. Got it,’ Ruth replied, with more confidence than she felt. She threw the sunglasses onto the bed to avoid temptation.

  It was her brother, Mark, who gave Ruth her first pair of sunglasses when they were kids. Her classmates had begun to call her a weirdo. Mark did not like other kids making fun of her. Not because he was worried about Ruth, but because he was worried about how it would reflect on him.

  ‘People think you are being shifty, hiding something, if you don’t look at them. And then they think that you don’t like them,’ Mark explained.

  ‘I am not hiding anything,’ Ruth said. ‘And I like them all. Except for Mary Lawlor and Tadgh D’arcy, who laugh at me a lot.’

  ‘Just try eye-balling them when you are in conversation with them. Look at them for five seconds, then you can be all weird and look at the ground again.’

  ‘But I do not like eyeballs,’ Ruth said.

  ‘Don’t look at their eyes then. Jeez, Ruth, help a guy out here! Cheat. Look in that general direction. It will be grand,’ Mark said.

  ‘I can do that. I will try it,’ Ruth said.

  And try it she did. It went spectacularly wrong. When Mary Lawlor asked her for help with page 190 of their maths homework, it was the perfect opportunity to try out her new skill. People often asked her for help at maths and she was happy to do so. She liked solving problems. Ruth looked up at Mary, who was a few inches taller than she. She lowered her gaze to avoid eye contact and hoped for the best.

  ‘You big fat lesbian!’ Mary Lawlor screamed. ‘Did you see that? Ruth Wilde is looking at my breasts!’ She covered her chest with her arms, delighted to see that she held the class’s attention.

  Ruth did not know what a lesbian was. She suspected it was not said as a compliment.

  Mark was not happy when they walked home together after school. ‘How on earth did you manage to make them all think you were a lesbian in the space of only a few hours? I can’t leave you on your own at all, can I?’

  ‘What’s a lesbian?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘Ask Mam,’ Mark replied, making a face.

  So when she walked into their kitchen, she asked Marian, ‘Mary Lawlor said I was a lesbian. Am I a lesbian?’

  Marian’s face told Ruth that she’d done something wrong again. ‘In the name of all that’s good in this world, what is wrong with you, child? Are you trying to kill me? That’s all I need on top of everything else.’ Then Marian sighed again.

  And that was why Mark bought Ruth a pair of sunglasses. That was the thing about her brother. He spent most of their childhood ignoring her or making fun of her. But every now and then he surprised her with a random act of kindness.

  Twenty minutes later, armed with a small bagful of groceries, she made her way to the kitchen for the first time. She crossed her fingers that it would be empty. Her hopes disappeared when muffled sounds of fellow residents creeped out into the corridor as she approached. She braced herself for interactions and hoped that the people in the room were friendly. She reminded herself that she was actually a good communicator. She could enjoy a conversation for an hour or two at a time. Unless it was boring, of course.

  A sign on the door stated:

  Please avoid prime times in the kitchen:
/>   8–9 a.m., 1–2 p.m. and 5–7 p.m.

  As it was now four o’clock she hoped that meant it was a good time to make their dinner. A man and a young boy were sitting down at the kitchen table, tucking into fish and chips. A woman stood at the hob literally watching water boil in a pan. Then another woman stepped out from behind the door and said, ‘Don’t get any ideas about skipping the queue. I’ve been waiting nearly ten minutes already.’

  Ruth shook her head quickly and took two steps away, until her back hit the wall.

  ‘Leave her alone. She’s the new one I was telling you about,’ the man said. ‘I saw you arriving earlier. I’m Kian. This handsome young fella with me is Cormac, my heir apparent.’

  Ruth nodded in his direction. She did not recollect seeing him in the lobby earlier. She was pretty certain it was empty. She would learn that Kian was like a silent ninja. A pro at hiding in places he was not meant to be.

  Kian continued, ‘One fridge, one cooker, one microwave, ten families and five hundred bleeding rules about how you can use them all. Welcome to the kitchen.’

  This made the woman beside Ruth laugh, but hob woman replied in a tone that was decidedly frosty, ‘Rules that some in this establishment don’t seem capable of following. I’m Ava, in room 124. That’s Aisling hovering to your right.’

  Say hello, remember to say hello.

  Kian saved her by continuing his rant. ‘Bleeding bureaucratic bullshit. There’s more rules on the lists in The Silver Sands Lodge than in a bleeding jail. What gets my blood boiling is that they don’t make sense at all. I mean, take a look at the notice on the door. The so-called rush hours to be avoided create rush hours in the quiet times. Do you get me?’

  His little boy, who looked no more than eight or nine, started to laugh, delighted with his dad’s rant.

  ‘Ignore our resident ray of sunshine,’ Ava said. She threw a look of disdain in his direction. He happily threw an equally disdainful one back at her, then scoffed the last of his chips.

  ‘They need to add a new rule to the laminate. No stealing food. That way I wouldn’t have to be here. Cooking again,’ Ava said loudly.

  Kian pretended to play the violin behind her back, making Cormac snort with laughter. Aisling looked uncomfortable with the conversation between them both.

  ‘When Brian hears that someone has stolen our food again, he’s going to lose his shit. There should be cameras in here to catch the thieving bastards,’ Ava said. ‘I wouldn’t mind but I used extra-lean mince in that lasagne. It was bloody lovely.’

  Aisling turned to Ruth and said, ‘I wish I could say it’s not like this every day. But …’

  Ruth felt like she had stepped into an episode of a bad daytime soap. And she did not like it one bit.

  Aisling continued, ‘I’m sorry if I sounded snappy when you walked in. It’s just I’ve left my daughter, Anna, on her own. We’re in room 127 down the other end of the corridor. Her asthma has been playing up this week and I don’t like leaving her.’

  Ruth could not imagine what that must be like, dealing with a sick child on top of everything else. She felt Aisling’s eyes on her, waiting for a response. She looked up and quickly scanned the room. Damn it. They were all staring at her. She had forgotten DJ’s advice.

  ‘Hello hello hello hello,’ Ruth burst out in one breathless sentence to each of them, one by one. She looked down at the floor again and hoped they would stop talking to her.

  ‘Hello, hello, hello, hello to you, too,’ Kian said. The room swelled with merriment and Ruth felt her skin prickle with heat.

  She was messing this up, like she always did.

  But to her surprise Aisling moved a little closer to her and said with warmth, ‘I won’t be long. I’m only frying up a few sausages for Anna. Her favourite, and you’d give them the world when they’re sick, wouldn’t you?’

  Ruth nodded to Aisling’s pretty pink pumps. She had small feet, dainty. Which looked at odds with her large frame.

  ‘Here, Aisling, I’ve finished with the second hob. You can cook beside me.’ Ava shuffled over to make room for the woman. Aisling pulled a frying pan out of the cupboard beside the cooker and stuck it on the heat. She sprayed the pan with Frylight, coating the base. The sausages sizzled and spat as soon as they hit the pan. The smell made Ruth nauseous and reminded her of Saturday mornings when her mother cooked the full Irish fry-up for them when all she wanted was porridge.

  Ruth was two seconds away from breaking rule number six and running out of the kitchen and down the corridor back to their room. They could eat rice cakes for their supper, with bananas on top. She felt the eyes of the kitchen on her. She wished she had left her sunglasses on, ignoring DJ’s advice. She could not win. You got looks from people if you wore sunglasses indoors; you got looks from people if you preferred to keep your eyes to yourself. People were tricky. People passed judgement all the time.

  People are fierce judgemental. To hell with people, that’s what I say.

  Ha! You’re funny, Odd.

  I’ve been told that once or twice before.

  Me too …

  Kian and his son, Cormac, stood up, the sound of their chairs scraping the floor bringing Ruth back from her chat with her imaginary friend.

  ‘Will I do the dishes, Da?’ Cormac asked.

  ‘Do, son,’ Kian replied, then they both sniggered some more when Cormac threw their paper plates into the bin.

  ‘A regular double act, those two,’ Ava sniffed, keeping her back to them. ‘I queued for an hour yesterday to use this oven. And the large lasagne I made was supposed to last for two days’ dinner.’

  ‘Did someone take it off yer?’ Kian asked, his face a picture of innocence.

  Ava ignored him and said to the others, ‘It’s not good enough. I’ll be sending an email of complaint to the council and Erica when I get back to my room. Some people have a bare-faced cheek.’ She thumbed towards Kian, who whistled as he walked out of the room, his sidekick right behind him.

  ‘Did you see the cut of them both? The fecking bastard! I know it was him,’ Ava spluttered out. ‘We’re eating in our room tonight. And so help me, if there is any leftovers, it’s going in the bin.’

  ‘They looked a bit shifty all right,’ Aisling reluctantly agreed. ‘I’ve seen Cormac running in and out of here a lot, checking to see if the kitchen is empty. I gave up leaving yoghurts in the fridge months ago. Always swiped. He’s a divil for those.’

  Ava nudged Aisling as she turned the sausages over, nodding towards Ruth. ‘You don’t say much.’

  ‘Hello,’ Ruth said again. They continued to stare at her, so she added, ‘I am not here to steal anyone’s food or to skip any queues.’

  Aisling and Ava laughed in response and Ruth breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘My son and I arrived at 12.07 p.m. today,’ Ruth answered. ‘It has been quite the day.’

  Aisling reached out to touch Ruth’s arm in a gesture of support, causing Ruth to jump back and knock one of the chairs onto the floor.

  ‘Sorry,’ Aisling murmured. The room went quiet, except for the sound of water as it reached boiling point and the splash of pasta as Ava threw it into the water with a slosh. Steam filled the air around her. ‘It’s fresh, not dried, so I’ll be done in a jiffy.’

  ‘Fresh pasta is 3.45 times more expensive than dried,’ Ruth stated.

  ‘Well, I like fresh. And for the sake of a few cent …’ Ava said.

  ‘Assuming you eat fresh pasta twice a week, then your saving per meal for two people, is 0.94 euro. Over a year that will be just under 98 euro,’ Ruth replied, eyes still on the ground.

  Ava and Aisling looked at each other, then back to Ruth again, a little startled by her quick maths.

  ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if, for once, we didn’t have to be thinking about things like the cost of every little thing we need to buy?’ Aisling said. ‘I spent a day yesterday trudging around Penney’s, Heaton’s and Tesco, comparing prices on a tracksuit for Anna. And ev
erywhere I looked I saw all these cute outfits in, ready for Christmas. I’d have given anything to buy her a whole new wardrobe.’

  ‘Anna always looks beautiful,’ Ava said with kindness.

  ‘Hand-me-downs. Thank God for my friend. She sends down a bag of clothes every six months or so. It’s like Christmas for Anna.’ Tears threatened to spill from Aisling’s brown eyes as she flipped her sausages again. ‘Just once, I’d like her to have her own outfit. Brand new with labels. Chosen just for her.’

  Ava squeezed Aisling’s arm in sympathy.

  Ruth wanted to say to them both that she knew what it was like to juggle her finances so that she did not have ‘too much month at the end of her money’. She wanted to tell Aisling that she needed to do a similar exercise to find DJ new tracksuit bottoms and trainers. But the words were getting jumbled in her head again, the way they did. She was making a terrible first impression but she felt powerless to change it. They would see her continued silence as an insult and she did not want them to think she was rude.

  Tell them you are shy. Be honest. People always respond well to honesty. This advice was given to her over a decade ago by her doctor and it often popped into her head. Funny how some words stick while others disappear into nothing. Maybe it was time to take this advice.

  ‘I am shy, not rude,’ Ruth blurted out.

  ‘Ah, I’ve a younger sister like that,’ Ava said, nodding in understanding. ‘Crippled with shyness, has been ever since she was born. She spent most of her childhood hidden behind Mam’s skirts!’

  ‘And there I was, thinking the cat had your tongue! I’m sure it’s been a tough day for you,’ Aisling said, smiling.

  ‘I never thought I would end up in a place like this. In this situation,’ Ruth said.

  They both understood that.

  ‘Hotels are meant to be about leisure, rest, holidays. But this is hell on earth,’ Ava said, her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘Maybe this will be your month to get a house,’ Aisling added, patting her hand.

  ‘We said that last month and the month before, too. When we moved into this hotel, we thought it would be temporary. Couple of weeks, max. Six months later it’s getting harder to be upbeat,’ Ava replied. She pulled the pot of pasta off the stove and drained it over the sink. ‘I don’t think my husband, Brian, can cope much longer.’