Cold Feet: The Lost Years Read online

  He felt emotion well up inside him and he reached out to clasp Adam’s shoulder again. ‘I’m glad you’re here, son.’

  Adam nodded at his father. ‘I’m glad too, Daddy.’ He had no idea what or where he would go next, but for now, he would have to be content to get to know his father again, properly as an adult, to just take each day as it came.

  The pounding of feet running down the towpath made Adam start. He was about to look behind him when the air shifted. Rachel was back. He always felt her before he saw her. His sixth sense.

  She smiled at him and his heart stopped for a beat. He smiled back and she said, ‘Prepare yourself.’

  ‘For what?’ he said to her in his mind.

  She pointed to the towpath behind him, and he heard a voice shouting as its owner ran towards them. He leaned over to take Matthew from Bill. There was nowhere for them to run, but if danger was coming their way he’d die protecting his son. He knew that sounded dramatic. But things changed when he became a father. He looked at the world differently now. And when Rachel’s young life was cut short, for no reason he would ever come to terms with, he also knew how vulnerable they all were.

  ‘He doesn’t look too happy,’ Adam said. The guy in question was doubled over, panting as he tried to catch his breath a few feet from them.

  The man who was accosting them was about fifty, Adam guessed, his face red with the exertion of running or, he supposed, from his temper. Adam relaxed, this guy was no threat.

  ‘Is he saying your name?’ Adam asked, cocking his ear.

  ‘I think it’s highly likely he is,’ Bill replied.

  Adam relaxed further. His father didn’t look concerned in the slightest. He knew this guy, whoever he was.

  ‘Hello,’ Bill said, waving at him.

  ‘How could you? What kind of man are you, to blatantly lie to my face? I knew it . . . and you made me feel like I was being ridiculous when I questioned you. You . . . you charlatan!’ He spat the words out at Bill, in a torrent of emotion.

  ‘What in the name of God is he on about?’ Adam asked. ‘What have you been up to?’

  ‘I’ve done nothing wrong. You are mistaken,’ Bill replied, not taking his eyes from the man. He held his hands up and smiled as if he’d not a care in the world.

  ‘You know this eejit then?’ Adam asked.

  Bill nodded. ‘Adam, I’d like you to meet George. George meet Adam and Matthew.’

  George stepped back, looking Adam up and down. Is he sneering at me? Adam thought. The barefaced cheek of the fecker. That was definitely a look bordering on contempt.

  ‘I knew you were hiding something!’ George said. ‘Every instinct told me that you were cheating on me. I’m never wrong. All the signs were there. But even in my wildest dreams, I never suspected that you have a family . . . it’s despicable.’ He looked at Adam with sympathy. ‘I feel sorry for you!’

  Adam burst out laughing. It was the most ludicrous situation he’d ever been in. This eejit thought he was dating his father.

  ‘Would you be wise! I’m not his boyfriend. Sure, I’m young enough to be his son!’ Adam said.

  ‘As am I.’ George puffed out his chest and flicked his long brown wavy hair off his shoulders.

  Yeah right, Adam thought. The only way that fella would see thirty again was on the back of a bus! As for the hair, dyed off his head . . .

  ‘One big difference. I am his son, you doughnut,’ Adam said.

  George’s face went through several emotions, one after the other. Disbelief. Recognition of the truth. Horror. It stayed on that one, with his mouth forming a round O of surprise.

  ‘George, relax. It’s true,’ Bill said mildly.

  ‘He’s your son?’ George spluttered.

  ‘Aye. And this handsome fella is my grandson,’ Bill replied.

  ‘Oh.’ George looked stricken as he looked from one to the other. ‘I got it really wrong, didn’t I? You must have thought I was crazy, running at you like that. I am officially mortified.’

  Adam’s annoyance disappeared at once. He felt sorry for the fella. ‘Ah, you’re all right. Easy mistake. And no harm done. You’re lucky you didn’t do yourself a mischief, the way you ran down that path.’ He glanced at his father. ‘And you weren’t the only one kept in the dark. I didn’t know about you either.’

  Bill mouthed, ‘Sorry.’

  ‘So how long have you two lovebirds been dating?’ Adam asked.

  George brightened up at the opportunity to talk about his favourite subject – his romance. ‘Well, we were at a single and mingle in the George in Dublin a few months back.’

  ‘George at the George,’ Adam said, laughing. ‘I like it.’ The George was an iconic gay bar in Dublin.

  ‘That’s what your father said too, when we met! Like father like son. Anyhow, I arrived there early, to support my pal Alan who was taking part in the Dolly Parton singathon competition. No one does “Nine to Five” like my Alan. And there was Bill standing at the bar, and he just looked at me in the way he does, you know?’

  ‘Oh, I know,’ Adam replied with a laugh.

  ‘I. Felt. Weak.’ George punctuated each word. ‘Weak from my toes to my nose.’ He pointed to both.

  ‘Sounds like it was love at first wobble,’ Adam said.

  ‘You’re funny,’ George replied. ‘I think I’m going to like you.’

  ‘So I’ve been told. And aside from nearly giving me a heart attack when you came charging at us, it’s nice to meet you.’ Adam offered his hand and George shook it.

  Adam then turned to his father. ‘Dad, were you wearing a blond wig and taking part too, in this Dolly Parton singathon?’ He shivered as the image of Bill donning a pair of fake enormous boobs took centre stage in his mind’s eye.

  ‘It was pure coincidence that I was there at all. Was at a loose end in Dublin, having been at a conference in Trinity earlier that day. I wandered in a for a pint. As for the Dollys being there, well they were an added bonus,’ Bill said.

  ‘Did your mate win?’ Adam asked.

  George shook his head sadly. ‘No one could compete with Fergal O’Doherty. He did a duet with himself. “Islands in the Stream”, singing the parts of both Kenny and Dolly. It was something else.’

  ‘Fair play.’ Adam took a quick look around him, in case this was in fact an MTV prank show.

  George clasped one of Bill’s hands between his own. ‘I’m not normally like this. It’s just, I don’t know, my radar for cheating is pretty much spot on. And I was convinced you were hiding something, or rather, someone from me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted you.’

  Bill brushed away his apologies, giving him a warm hug. They looked good together, Adam thought. He realised that this was the first time that he’d ever seen his father with a man. He waited to see if he was weirded out in any way. Nope. Not in the slightest.

  Bill grazed Matthew’s cheek softly, saying to George, ‘Well, you were right in some ways. My head has been turned by another man. This little fella has stolen my heart.’

  ‘Aw. And I can see why,’ George replied. ‘He’s gorgeous, a wee dote. Right, I better get back to work and I’ll leave you all to the ducks. I sincerely apologise, Adam, once again. It was lovely to meet you both. Honestly, I’m not normally like this. A couple of unreliable ex-boyfriends have obviously messed up my radar. My bad.’

  Leaving a trail of blown kisses in the air, he walked away, with Bill promising him that he’d ring him later on.

  ‘Nice guy,’ Adam said. ‘I like him.’

  ‘When he’s not all paranoid about me cheating on him, he’s a really decent bloke.’ Bill agreed. ‘Clever guy. What he doesn’t know about quantum physics . . .’

  ‘When you were going to “meetings” about the housing estate last week, that’s who you’ve been sneaking off to see, I take it,’ Adam said. Bill nodded and gave an apologetic shrug. ‘You could have told me. You didn’t have to hide it.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘D
id you think I’d not approve? If I haven’t reassured you that I don’t care what sex you date, I’m sorry. Because it doesn’t matter to me whether it’s Georgina or George. Honestly, Dad,’ Adam said.

  ‘I know that too.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Ah, you have enough to be dealing with. Talking about my love life didn’t seem appropriate. I would have got around to it soon,’ Bill said.

  ‘There’s to be no more tiptoeing around me. I’m happy for you. If I’ve learned anything since Rachel died, it’s that life is for living. So no more secrets.’

  Bill grabbed the bread, throwing a handful of crusts at the ducks.

  Adam looked at his father sharply. That was the face of a guilty man if ever he saw one. He was hiding something. ‘Dad!’

  ‘Well, George wasn’t entirely wrong when he said he thought I might be seeing someone else,’ Bill admitted.

  ‘You auld dog. Go on.’ There was a lot about his father he had to learn, it seemed.

  ‘Well, in my defence, we never said our relationship was exclusive. In fact, at first it started very casually. The thing is, there is someone else who I see every now and then. From before I met George. Nothing heavy. I think the term people use is a “friend with benefits”,’ Bill said.

  ‘You’ve got a shag buddy! I always wanted one of those, but never could quite make it work. Whenever I tried it, before I knew it, we’d be in a relationship and I’d be looking for a way out,’ Adam said.

  Bill nodded. ‘I get how that could happen. But in this case, it’s only sex.’

  ‘First of all, respect,’ Adam said, and laughed when Bill took a bow. ‘But maybe it’s time you had a conversation with George. Let him know you’re not exclusive. He’s suspicious and now feels guilty for that. You’re messing with his head. Besides, in my experience lies always have a way of being found out.’

  CHAPTER THREE

  The on-hold-hell and the friend with benefits

  Maggie May’s Bistro, Queen’s Quarter, Belfast

  ‘Basically, they had you imprisoned in what I like to call on-hold hell,’ George said.

  ‘Yes!’ Adam shouted, jangling the car keys in front of Matthew, a surefire way to keep him happy for a few minutes while they chatted. ‘I mean, I’m a patient man, but how many times can you hear, “Your call is important to us, but all our operators are busy right now, please stay on the line.” ’

  ‘Don’t forget the elevator music that always follows that demonic message,’ George said.

  ‘Mandatory!’ Adam replied with a laugh. ‘I wouldn’t mind so much if they played something decent, like “Teenage Kicks”.’

  ‘Ah, an Undertones man.’ George said, tipping an imaginary cap to him. ‘Respect.’ And he started to hum the song, Adam joining in too.

  Bill watched them both with a big grin on his face, delighted they were getting on so well.

  Song finished, Adam got straight back to his rant. He still wasn’t over the hour he had been on hold for earlier, as he waited to speak to someone about his TV satellite account. Trying to cancel it was proving trickier than escaping from Fort Knox. ‘I might have lost my temper with that poor gobshite of a call-centre operator but for the fact that by the time he’d gotten to my “important” call, I’d lost the will to live!’

  ‘Nothing like a robot voice to make you feel anything but important.’ George shook his head sadly. ‘Last week I lasted twenty-two minutes on hold with the electricity board, only to hit the number two instead of one, with my stupid pudgy fingers. Ended up in the wrong division altogether and there was no way to navigate back. Sure I had to hang up and start all over again!’

  ‘And why in God’s name do they insist you have to key in your account number at the beginning of the call?’ Adam said. ‘Because—’

  ‘— when you do get to speak to a living and breathing person—’ George jumped in.

  ‘— they’ll ask you to do it all over again!’ Adam finished with glee.

  George thumped the table, making his glass rattle, in appreciation of Adam’s point. ‘Yes! The more I think about it, those automated systems are just a way to piss off customers. Give us the run around long enough and we’ll soon give up.’

  Bill leaned in and said, ‘As entertaining as it is listening to you two, did you get sorted in the end? Or are you still paying for a satellite service in a house that you don’t even live in any more?’

  ‘Did I heck. Matthew was due a feed and he started to holler. I had to hang up to sort him out,’ Adam said.

  George said, ‘Horrendous. I say we riot.’

  ‘Down with robots,’ Adam joked.

  ‘And big businesses,’ George threw in.

  ‘Before you both head off to make placards,’ Bill laughed, ‘have you time for dessert?’

  ‘I could be tempted.’ George leaned in to squeeze Bill’s hand. ‘Back in a minute.’ He jumped up, heading to the toilets.

  ‘I like him,’ Adam said.

  ‘So do I,’ Bill replied.

  ‘You’d do well to hold on to him,’ Adam said. ‘A good guy. Can’t think why he’s with you!’

  ‘Funny. I’m beginning to come around to that idea too,’ Bill admitted.

  ‘Have you decided what to do about your “friend”?’ Adam asked, making quotation marks with his two fingers.

  ‘As it happens I have. It’s time I gave dating George a proper go. He’s the first person since Christian, that’s made me think about settling down again . . .’ He paused for a moment, then continued, ‘I’ve arranged to meet my friend tomorrow. I’m going to finish things with her, but I need to talk to you about that first of all.’ Bill said.

  ‘You want some advice on how to let her down gently?’ Adam teased.

  ‘No, it’s not that. The thing is, you know who my friend—’ The door to the bistro slammed shut, interrupting their conversation and making father and son look up. A woman stood at the door, looking towards them. Tall, slim, blond, wearing impossible high heels and a navy dress that clung to her small breasts and tiny waist. She strutted with purpose towards them, well aware that all eyes were on her as she passed.

  ‘Shite.’ Adam and Bill said, at the same time.

  Adam nudged his father in the ribs, ‘It’s Jane Fitzpatrick. From Coleraine.’ Adam hadn’t thought about her in months, not since that onerous incident in this kitchen with Rachel. He shuddered at the memory. He supposed it was only a matter of time before they bumped into each other, now that he was back in Ireland. Maybe with any luck she’d ignore him. Shite, she was headed in their direction, waving as she came.

  He braced himself for a scene. They had history and, in his experience, when Jane was around, things always got complicated. She was his childhood sweetheart, a summer romance from his holidays in his parents’ hometown of Coleraine. There was a time when he thought he’d love her for ever.

  They grew up and apart, as is often the way. He stopped visiting Coleraine in his late teens. His life became all about partying in Manchester with Pete and Jenny. To his surprise, on his stag night he bumped into her again. He almost screwed his life up that night. He got so drunk he collapsed on her bed. His drunken moment of madness was no more than a kiss, but it still nearly put paid to his marriage to Rachel. Jane followed him over to Manchester and had gone all stalkery on him. She’d pretended that her bumping into him in Didsbury was an accident, rather than on purpose. Her sole aim was to lure him away from Rachel. At first, he’d enjoyed her attention, thought it was harmless. His ego lauded. But when it began to get too serious, he told her that he didn’t love her. For him, it was always Rachel. Jane didn’t stand a chance. He shuddered again as he remembered their argument. He’d seen a different side to Jane, one that he’d rather not see again. Things went from bad to worse when she had gone all Fatal Attraction on him, threatening to tell Rachel about their kiss on his stag weekend in Coleraine.

  It was Adam himself who let the cat out of the bag. Whe
n he walked into his kitchen and saw Jane sitting beside his wife at their dining room table, he thought it was game over. If he’d seen a rabbit boiling away on the cooker, he wouldn’t have blinked twice. He’d blurted out in a shameful rush that the kiss hadn’t meant a thing, only to come to the crashing realisation that Jane hadn’t said a word, despite her threats. She’d come to say goodbye.

  ‘Brace yourself. This is going to be awkward,’ he hissed to Bill. He straightened himself up, ready for a row.

  ‘Tell me about it,’ Bill answered and before Adam could consider that statement, to his astonishment Jane barely glanced at him but instead slid into the seat beside his dad.

  ‘Hello, Bill,’ she breathed huskily, and then she leaned in to kiss him. Not in a you-are-the-father-of-my-old-boyfriend-and-it’s-good-to-see-you way, but in a full-on-passionate-with-tongues-I’m-getting-stuck-in-there way!

  By the time Bill had extracted himself from the embrace, scanning the room to make sure George hadn’t seen anything, the penny dropped for Adam.

  Of course. Jane was Bill’s “friend with benefits”. Disbelief, followed by indignation on it’s heels winded Adam for a moment.

  ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Adam spluttered when he found his voice. ‘She’s your shag buddy? Are you wise?’

  Jane looked at Adam, then to Bill, then back to Adam again, a smile lighting up her face. She was clearly delighted with the unfolding drama. Adam couldn’t help but notice that there was more than a touch of the cat who got the cream about her. If Bill was enjoying this situation too, he’d not be held responsible for his actions. He was mollified to see a sheepish Bill watching the corridor to the toilets.

  Remembering the park the other day and the hysterics of George, Adam could see why he might be apprehensive. He felt irked that his father was placing him in this situation. He pushed the thought of his mother away. What was it with her lately, invading his every thought?

  ‘Jane, go grab a coffee for yourself, I need to have a quick word with Adam,’ Bill said, his voice firm. To Adam’s surprise, Jane went to the counter to make her order. She was never that obedient when he dated her.